Another Easter come and gone, eggs have been found, and the world’s chocolate bunny population has decreased by one hundred percent. May they hop in peace. Churches all across America have put on their Easter programs to critical acclaim and standing ovations. So, in the spirit of all things wondrous and good and since I was a part of an Easter program this weekend, I give you the top ten list!!
Remember when you were a kid and dressed up all the time with whatever you could find? Welcome to biblical Jerusalem, where everyone wears mismatched sheets and pillow cases! Nothing like a hot pink head covering to make the shepherds envy you.
2. Sandals or No Sandals?
Would Mary and Martha have worn designer sandals with flowers on them as they followed Jesus to Lazarus’s grave? No? Are you sure? But they look sooooooo cute! Fine, bare feet it is then.
“Let he who is with sin cast the first stone…” Wait, did I say with? I meant without. Without!!! Drop the stones you bunch of sinners!!!!
4. Bring the Smelling Salts
Someone will always pass out in a production, whether it’s the thief on the cross or a woman in the crowd, somebody is going down and it won’t be pretty… Just say the Spirit fell upon you in a mighty way and all will be forgiven.
5. Choir or Crowd?
Scene 2, Act 8
Jesus heals… someone. Do we get in choir formation or crowd formation? Oh, this is where we freeze? Hey Jesus! Since you’re the only one moving can you come over here and scratch my nose? Ahhhhhh, praise the Lord!!!
6. Who’s Missing?
There is always that one person who misses practice, but luckily that is what the pastor is for. We’re missing our adulterous woman… and the blind man… and the sick girl. Have no fear, the preacher is here!
Okay guys we have exactly five minutes and two seconds for Jesus to disrobe, be bludgeoned, and hang on the cross. No pressure, but there are four hundred people out there waiting for their sins to be cleansed Jesus. Hurry people, hurry!!! One minute!
8. Un-mute It!
You do an I-formation handoff with the headset mic, somehow it gets muted, and you sing your solo with no volume…. Don’t worry I’ll project my voice over the music and hopefully more than just the front row will hear me… Oh me. Why did I hit mute?
9. Make It Real
In an attempt to be as authentic as possible, Jesus and the thieves are put into skin-tight body suits with fake blood applied EVERYWHERE!! And look like you are in pain and agony. You know what? Just try to die as real as humanly possible
10. Jesus Lives!!!
What you didn’t see this coming?! We shortened 3 days into 3 minutes and Jesus is squeaky clean with perfectly perfect hair. He’s alive! Death is defeated and my chains are gone…. It’s a good day.
Keep hopping my peeps.
Thanks to the crew at First Assembly of God for inspiring this list and putting together an amazing production. You rock!